Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
