thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
