the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
