Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
