so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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