Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it because I queefed?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The chlamydia really affected his face.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
