that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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