She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
