Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
