That's intense
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize