Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
