she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
