Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
