it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone stole a lamp last night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
