I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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