another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
