I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
