Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
