put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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