I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize