Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
