bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
