Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
