so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
