do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
