i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
