I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
