dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
