Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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