Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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