ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
