Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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