I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
