____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your penis caused this!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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