so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
