I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
