I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
