Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
