Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
