I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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