never play flip cup with pint glasses
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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