i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
