Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
