I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
