when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
