I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
