yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
