im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
