We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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