i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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