And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
