Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
