I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
