help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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