just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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