Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
