Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
