I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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