and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
