didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
