At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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