new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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