is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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