My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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