Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
