people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
