I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
