remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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