pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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