all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
