dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
