just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
