I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
