Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
