Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
