There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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