Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
