The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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