well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
