your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
