I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
