Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
