I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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