the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
