Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
