I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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