I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm like, not good at living.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
