i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
