Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
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