Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
