She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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