I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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