you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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