Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
