I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
