Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
